Bar Humiliation

Last night I was at a bar with my friend. Lots of times waitresses sit down at our booth because we drink a lot and tip pretty good and plus are also hilarious. I don't remember why she was sitting there or what we were talking about but pretty soon we were talking about Full House. This waitress said that she had seen every episode at least fifteen times. In my mind I doubled her tip on the spot. She went on to talk about her shame of it. Boy was she speaking my language or what. Shame and Full House are probably my two favorite things to think about and talk about. Let's just say this was my favorite waitress I had ever had.

So she was saying, I just hate to tell people that I know basically every line of every episode. It's embarrassing. I said, well it can be. It's tough to talk about. It can be a bit of a car in the kitchen, can't it?

Her eyes lit up like the sun. She knew exactly what I was talking about. I thought for a minute she was going to hug me but she ended up staying on her side of the table. That was fine with me, if I hugged everybody I talk about Full House to I would pretty much do nothing but hugging all the time. Besides, it was reward enough that I was totally making her day.

She started talking about how Stephanie backed the car into the kitchen and it totally smashed through the wall. And how Michelle was trying to tell everybody about the car in the kitchen but nobody believed her. And then she started talking about how there was a cement truck and it was dumping cement into the car or the house. Then she stopped and stared at me. Wait, she said - was that the same episode or a different one?

I stared back at her. My friend stared at me. I totally froze up. Now it was my turn to feel the shame. I was quiet. We all were. Finally I looked down and stuttered - I...I don't know.

If I could have shot myself in the face in that moment I would have. It was a really awkward situation for all of us. I had been bragging about my knowledge of the show and I referenced an episode that I guess I don't really know all that well. It completely humiliated me and I hope it will serve as a wake up call.

Needless to say, I didn't tell the waitress about my blog. How could I? I make a fool out of myself by not being able to distinguish between two Full House scenarios and then I am going to expect her to read my blog? That's insane. I would have no right to expect her to read my blog. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

The waitress soon got up from our table and didn't come back to sit again. I think she must have been trying to spare my feelings or protect me from further embarrassment. I appreciated that and actually triple tipped her (I call this "trip tip" - it is my standard practice for when I make a jackass out of myself at a bar). My friend and I didn't talk much after this incident and he was pretty disappointed in me. Heck, I was pretty disappointed in myself.

I woke up this morning a little on the foggy side. I remembered a conversation about Full House but I was hoping that I dreamed it. When I fully realized that it had actually happened, it felt more like a nightmare. I can't stop thinking about it. I am never going to let that happen to me again. There is only one choice for me: I must begin watching a minimum of two episodes a day until I cycle through the entire series again. I can't run this blog so rusty. If I learned nothing from my pain last night, I learned that. Consider this blog my renewed commitment to the show.