Danny Tanner Explanation

It was recently been brought to my attention that this blog is ignoring a loud and vocal faction of Full House fans - the Danny Tanner faction. Actually I have known this from the start but I have just been ignoring it. If you want to know the truth, I don't care about Danny Tanner or fans of Danny Tanner. My problem is that thousands of the fans of this blog are also fans of Danny Tanner and I feel like I owe it to them to at least explain what my problem is.

It's not like I stay up all night thinking about how I don't care about him, it's just that we have nothing in common. I don't value being clean or my living space being clean so that is one major difference. I also don't have kids. Lots of people have kids and are cool about it but not Danny. In order to be cool about having kids, you should never talk about your kids. Danny broke this rule pretty much any time his mouth was open. I just can't respect that.

Kids are meant to be seen and not heard and rarely seen. This may sound weird coming from such a huge Michelle Tanner fan but just because she was funny on the show doesn't mean I want one or think your kid is funny. In fact, the opposite is true. She was the best kid ever and your kid isn't going to top her so why are you trying? It doesn't make sense to me.

Lately these days it seems like everyone I know is having a baby. The only reason I know this is that they tell me. Every time someone is talking about their dumb baby I just keep thinking "How rude" over and over. Eventually I make up a story about needing to go to the bathroom and I never come back. It's not my fault though, I didn't ask them to start talking about their kid.

Having a baby is like having a pet that never dies or runs away. Once you have it, you are just stuck with it. But people keep doing it like a bunch of retards. It blows my mind constantly.

Danny Tanner is a great example of this kind of person which is why I have nothing to say to him. Not only did he have a kid, he had three kids. This makes me wonder if he wasn't doing it on purpose. People who have kids on purpose end up becoming the worst kinds of parents - the kind who talk about their kids. It's like they are almost proud of themselves for doing what they did.

That is something else I really respect about Jesse - he had kids but he didn't see it coming at all. If you remember when he found out about Becky being pregnant, he pretty much fainted. Fainting is not what people do when they want kids. Jesse was totally caught off guard which makes me believe that he wasn't trying to make those kids. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people.

But Jesse shows what can happen to you if you have a kid - you can sometimes end up with two of those little assholes before you can turn around. If you will notice something though, Jesse and Becky never talked about having any more kids after they f-ed up and had those first two. That is how to handle yourself if you ever end up in a situation like that.

Basically I don't really like Danny Tanner because he is such a huge dad. I hate dads. Especially dads who try and tell you about their kids. Jesse was a dad but he just kept on talking about his hair and how much he wanted to rock. If I am ever a dad I hope this is the kind of dad I am.

So in closing, if you are a Danny Tanner fan you are going to have to start your own blog if you want to read about him because it won't be happening much here. And if you are a Danny Tanner fan it means you probably have a baby that you are trying to shove in my face and down my throat. I don't need that so go to hell. OK well I am glad you know where I stand now.