Gun Safety

Ever since I can remember I have been really afraid of being shot. Think about it for a second, I figure about 50% of people end up getting shot at some point. John Lennon got shot, Biggie and Tupac got shot too, and I think Bob Marley got shot one time, and also that Mexican lady Selena got shot. It seems pretty clear that if good things start happening to you, people try and shoot you. So I decided to do something about it a while ago.

For a long time I was really against guns mainly because I didn't want to end up getting shot by one. But then it dawned on me that the only way to keep from getting shot is to shoot someone first. So I bought a gun and figured out how to shoot it.

I felt safer at first but then I started being afraid of someone snatching my gun away from me and shooting me with my own gun. So I started coming up with plans to protect the gun from getting snatched and used on me. For years I slept with the gun duct-taped to my chest but I got tired of having to buy duct tape and nair. It all just got really complicated so I hid the gun in a closet where towels go. No bad guy would think about looking in there.

After the gun was in the towel pantry I kind of forgot about it for a while. I didn't forget about getting shot - trust me I think about that multiple times a day - I just didn't spend as much time playing with the gun as I did in the past. I used to carry it a lot of places but now I leave it in its hiding spot. The other day it dawned on me how completely stupid this is. I spend so much time thinking about using my gun on a person that it never even dawned on me how many other awesome things I could use it on. Obviously that will require me carrying it around a lot more.

Sometimes I wonder if Jesse owned a gun. Part of me wants to say of course he owned a gun, look at what a huge badass he was. He drove a motorcycle, wore boots and had a bitchin' leather jacket. You would have to be a fool to think he wasn't packing. Well, fair enough on all counts, but how do you explain him never using it when it would have really came in handy?

Like how about the time Jesse and Stephanie and Michelle got trapped in that auto garage on Michelle's birthday? If Jesse would have had a gun on him he could have shot the lock off and escaped. But he didn't even mention being able to do this. Or how about when Jesse and the whole family was trapped on the subway that one time? Boy a gun would have sure been good to have then. Jesse could have saved everyone by shooting out a window of the train. Once again though, if Jesse had a gun he wasn't telling.

I have a theory about this. Of course Jesse owned a gun but like an idiot he never took it anywhere. I am going to let this be a lesson to me. Guns are not just for shooting people, they are for shooting a wide variety of things. And also, guns are not just for shooting things around the house. There is a whole world out there of things just waiting to get shot. If you leave your gun at home, you are just cheating yourself.

The point of this blog is that I will be carrying my gun a lot more. Not carrying your gun is just plain lazy, and if it's one thing I'm not it's lazy. Usually I think Jesse makes really fantastic decisions but this is one time where I have to call him out. Jesse, you have to bring your piece homey. It's a matter of safety.