Ghetto Pass

One thing people are always reminding me about is that I am an incredible rapper. Sometimes I forget so I appreciate being reminded. I have been rapping for so long it's almost like I don't even stop to remember how great I am. Luckily a lot of people remember for me.

When I say that I can rap, I don't mean that I can rap along to a song on the radio. I mean that I spit hot fire and bitches better bow down, son. That's just the way it is.

More than anything though, people want to know how I got so great at it. Well it's pretty simple. I am from the ATL (the airport code for Atlanta, GA) and there is only two kinds of people in the ATL: white people and black people. Well when I grew up I was friends with both kinds of people.

Black people liked to be friends with me for a lot of reasons. First of all, unlike most white people who try to be friends with black people, I didn't try to talk and dress like black people. The black people I knew appreciated that. Second of all, I played drums. Black people like drums. If that is the sort of thing that you can't handle then don't come to the ATL.

So there I would be hanging around black people and they would tell me to play drums so that they could rap over the dope bangers I was laying down. I did it for them and they liked it. Except one time I busted out a fresh rhyme over my own beat and wowed the crowd. Not everyone was happy with me though.

Just like this blog, being a white person who out-raps a black person right to his face is controversial. Everyone knows that black people are great at rapping - but that doesn't mean every black person can rap. In fact, some of them are downright terrible at it. Those black people hated me for my skills.

But most black people appreciated me for my skills and not being afraid to show them my skills. As the years went by, I started to accumulate a lot of black friends. And not only was I friends with them, they were friends with me back. And we didn’t care about racism or anything like that, we just cared about rhyming and getting crunk.

If you want to know what my childhood was like, it was a lot like Michelle Tanner’s when she was in kindergarten. Remember her best friend Teddy? Yep, Teddy the little black boy. But then he moved to Texas so Michelle needed a new best friend. Remember her new best friend Denise? Yep, Denise the little black girl. Do you see a trend here?

What I am saying is, there were maybe two black people ever on Full House and they were both best friends with Michelle. You know why? Well hold on to your horses because I am about to tell you about something. That something is called a Ghetto Pass.

A Ghetto Pass is what black people give to white people when black decide that a white person is cool enough to keep it real with them. Justin Timberlake has a Ghetto Pass. Steve Nash also has a Ghetto Pass. Bill Clinton used to have one and probably still does but he might not. Regardless, Michelle obviously had a Ghetto Pass. And guess who else does too? That’s right – me.

Since the blog has been blowing up I don’t rap as often as I used to. But that doesn’t mean I forgot where I came from. I could still spit it if shove came to push and don’t you forget it.

You know pretty soon we might have a black person for a president. That will suck balls for all you racist white people out there who prayed to God every night that you would never see this day. But it won’t suck balls for me. Me and Michelle Tanner will be smoking Black & Mild’s on the South Lawn of the White House while your sorry white ass is watching through the fence. But that’s the luxury of the Ghetto Pass. Don’t be a hater on me for it.